It was the right decision to decline the job in Scotland, but it hasn’t been an easy option to stay put, as its perpetuated my “midlife-crisis” stuff (maybe also related to my impending 40th birthday). I feel like moving wasn’t the solution, as the challenges are of my own making and would have travelled with me. However staying doesn’t negate the need to make major changes in my life. It is a process that is taking me a lot of time and thought. I’ve been reading a lot about business, personal and professional development, happiness and people who have had inspiring lives or worked towards changing some of the problems that humanity is facing. I’ve got a determination to make a difference through my work, and to apply my psychological knowledge to making life better for people (especially young people who have experienced adversity). I’m gradually figuring out some things I feel very positive about.

The metaphor I am currently using is that in terms of my career I thought I was on a train from London to Leeds – a nice, direct, predetermined route that has been travelled by many people before me. However, due to austerity politics, the train got a bit rickety and the line was diverted so the train was destined to travel via Hull (perhaps into the north sea). So, I got out and tried to catch a series of buses to get me closer to my original destination, Leeds. However, nothing seems to offer a direct route, and some of the diversions are interesting enough that I’ve begun to wonder about getting off the main road and exploring on my bike. It may be that I find a new route I want to follow, or that I get a lift to somewhere else entirely or join a group of other cyclists – the main thing is <can you guess where this is going?> to enjoy the journey once again. So I’m going to just do more of what gives me joy and excitement and see where I end up!

In my personal life I reckon I need to prioritise sleeping, eating well, exercising, getting outdoors and spending time with the kids. I want to develop a social life, creative challenges, an inspiring network of peers, and spend less time on work but ensure this is more focused on things I feel absolutely passionately are my point of highest impact. I also need to get my kids into a school that is equally able to individualise, support and challenge them, and to become actively part of the school community. In terms of work I need to both diversify what we offer, so there is less pressure on court work being our main source of income and focus in on the stuff I personally want to be doing within the company. On a more practical level I need to sort out the business finances, catch up with a 400 email backlog and fill our current vacancy.

I feel like I’ve had a bit of a rough time recently in that the Legal Aid Authority are reducing fees and querying ever more invoices. The business hasn’t made enough money for me to take home much more than minimum wage so far this year, and I’ve had a few stressors in my personal life (and the recent mega pollen count has meant I’ve had a bit of asthma, which is always frustrating). However, on balance, it has been a time of positive changes for me. First, I found a personal development coach I really clicked with. He’s a yoga teacher who only works with people with a passion to do good in the world, so it will wake up my hippy heritage and values, and help me <cliche>think outside the box</cliche> of the established ways things are done in public sector behemoths like the NHS and social care. I’m also developing a set of digital tools from a questionnaire I designed, typing them in to a new system for psychologically informed care planning in children’s homes with an online measurement and tracking system. I have an idea about a website too. Some of these projects are worthy of substantial financial investment, so I am looking into social impact bonds and venture capital to see where to take them. Of course, nothing is ever guaranteed, and I can’t do these things without some financial support, but it feels like a good direction of travel. I’ve learned over and over in my career that I like to innovate, evaluate, refine and disseminate and I get bored with the rinse and repeat of delivering the same thing again and again. So that is what I’m going to do